This Week, I am Proud.

Today, I want to take some time to tell you a little bit about the person that belongs with those black & white Nike's at the top of the page. :)

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Kaitlyn Brooke Smith walked into my life a mere 2 years ago. Actually, it won't even be 2 years until August. The previous year, my junior year of college, I had been having a rough time and thus took a break from leading YoungLife. After a series of events unfolded the summer before my senior year, I ended up coming back to leading and being the only Kickapoo girl leader to attend camp with 10 lovely ladies. Only one of whom I really knew. I was so nervous I think I cried to a parent the night we left. And I had never before had a conversation with Kaitlyn Smith.

Within a day or two of the trip, I was already clicking with several of the girls, and some of them, including Kait, were already jokingly & loudly declaring the fact that I have a "donk" to basically the entire camp. It was hilarious. It was such a rough week in some ways - my grandpa had a heart attack back home, there were stealing issues, kids who got sent home from camp, and much more - but it was so beautiful because it also forever bonded me to some girls I may not have ever met. And even in the midst of the chaos, God was most definitely moving.

I'll never forget my first deep one-on-one conversation with Kaitlyn, sitting on a rock outside the snack shop at Sharptop. Or the way my cabin of girls rallied together on the rocking chairs after cardboard testimonies and talked through some of the most intense moments of their life with raw honesty and emotion. Or the fact that our cabin was called "Skunk's Nest." HA. I mean, seriously? :)

Over that next year, my senior year of college, Kaitlyn and I became super close. I'm not even sure how exactly it happened - but it did. I would come to know all about her family and life, and she came to know all about mine as well. When I moved back to Kansas City, she would come visit - in some ways, becoming like an extra member of my family. Everyone who is close to me has either met her or has heard me talk about her.

Well, this Tuesday, May 17th, Kaitlyn graduated from high school. And you bet I was there to see it! I am so proud of her. Here are a few photos:

Kickapoo Class of 2011

Standing in line to get her diploma

(white medal)

After graduation :)

Me with Kait & her beautiful mom, Pam

Despite many sadnesses and hardships in Kaitlyn's life, which shoot, my heart still breaks for, she has pressed on. Instead of letting them set her back, she just grew up - yes, probably more quickly than she should have had to. But she has allowed herself to see the good God has worked in her situations - and it is a beautiful thing.

She has a beautiful relationship with her mom, and values her many family members. She is respected by a wide range of her peers. She served on Student Council Cabinet as the Arts Commissioner this year. She is so talented in those ways. She gave up a month of her life last summer to serve the Lord. She goes out of her way to love on and work with special needs students. And a few weeks ago, she was voted Prom Queen.

I almost cried the other night as she stood in line to receive her diploma. I am so proud of her - and I am so excited for the life ahead of her. I know that God is going to use her talents and her huge heart to do big things. Some of which, I strongly believe through visions that I've had, we will be doing together. And that...brings a joy to my heart that I cannot even being to describe!

Kaitlyn...you know how much I love you. I'm so blessed you came into my life and I can't wait to continue on journeying together as you enter the next phase of your life.

This is my prayer for you...

"¹⁷ I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.
¹⁸ I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,
¹⁹ and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength
²⁰ he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms."
                                                      -Ephesians 1-

That you may come to realize that as a believer, the same power is in you as the power God used to raise Christ from the dead. That knowing that would give you hope. And a reason to further study His Word and learn of all His promises for you. That your heart may be enlightened and encouraged to dream big, and to DO big.

I love you kid. Thank you for being such an important part of my life.

"Constantly in Prayer"

I will be the first one to say that I have pretty much never been consistent in prayer.

I was always one of those people that was aware of its importance...but just didn't have the attention span or the motivation to actually make it happen. Because of the attention span thing, I used to journal my prayers. But when I didn't have motivation to sit down and journal, chances are I didn't pray much.

All that to say - my heart has been crazy changing about prayer recently.

We are doing two different studies on prayer in our youth/college bible studies - one is called Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick, and the other is When God's People Pray by Jim Cymbala. I am also reading the book Radical by David Platt. The study by Jim Cymbala & the book Radical have both been blowing my mind about the way I (and my team) should be doing ministry.

So often I have come from a place of ministry where you get together, plan a bunch of stuff. Strategize how to have the best events, how to get the most kids to show up, how to be relatable, what cool funny things you can do, how to make Jesus attractive in that....and so we sit around plotting. Discussing. Even arguing over what we think is best. We have all these meetings that are steeped in just that. Strategizing. And then we pray at the end of it. We pray for our events to go well. We pray small prayers over logistics of the events, we pray over all our plans. And we add in some prayers for our students.

What I am realizing...is how RIDICULOUS this is. 

In Radical, as Platt is talking about the start of the church in the book of Acts, and as he talks about the disciples huddled together in the upper room, he says this:

"So what are they doing? They are not plotting strategies. They are 'joined together constantly in prayer." They are not busy putting their faith in themselves or relying on themselves. They are pleading for the power of God, and they are confident that they are not going to accomplish anything without his provision."

That paragraph hit me hard. Sometimes I think we can get so caught up in the gifts we have been given that we start to rely on ourselves, and we convince ourselves sometimes that it's okay because God has given us these gifts and therefore it is still God's work.

But no. God gave the disciples all kinds of gifts. Yet here they are, "joined together constantly in prayer." And I highly doubt they were praying small prayers. I doubt they were sitting around praying for no technical difficulties, that the worship would sound just right, that God would give them the financial resources to be culturally "cool." No. My guess is they were sitting around crying out in desperation as they realized their limited ability apart from Him. My guess is they were sitting around praying for God's POWER.

I think one of the reasons that I was never consistent in prayer is because sitting around praying little, monotonous prayers was never attractive to me. It almost felt like another chore at the end of another meeting. But I think my heart was on to something. Because when we realize how helpless we are...when we realize how little of power we have in ministry when compared to relying on the power of God...we can't help but be moved to pray. To pray BIG, passionate prayers. To pray for the impossible.

It's a risky thing, praying big prayers on a regular basis. It might open our eyes to some "crazy" vision for our lives, or lead us to take some "crazy" action. It will probably call us to be obedient in ways that we've never been.

But I think the flip side is riskier. Scarier. To never pray big prayers. To miss out on the true, amazing power of the Lord in anything we do in our lives. What is our ministry...what is our journey if it isn't marked by total dependence on Him? What, then, is the point of even knowing him?

I don't want to miss it. I want to be dependent on the Holy Spirit and its power every day of my life. I want to be ready for bold visions and actions and be ready to be obedient in radical ways. I want my ministry to be birthed out of powerful prayers, not out of good planning.

At the end of that chapter in Radical, Platt says,

"It is the way of Christ. Instead of asserting ourselves, we crucify ourselves. Instead of imagining all the things we can accomplish, we ask God to do what only he can accomplish. Yes, we work, we plan, we organize, and we create, but we do it all while we fast, while we pray, and while we constantly confess our need for the provision of God. Instead of dependence on ourselves, we express radical desperation for the power of his Spirit, and we trust that Jesus stands ready to give us everything we ask for so that he might make much of our Father in the world."

I want to do ministry that way. I also want to do life that way. May every day of my life and my ministry be a day that is born of the overflow of passionate prayers for God's power and love. And may I live my life in a way that makes much of my Father in the world.

If this post causes you to do anything, I hope that it causes you to put down your phone or computer...to take even five minutes...and pray to a Holy, powerful God who can do infinitely more than you ever could alone.

God bless.

7 New Things

Remember the "25 Random Facts" that went around facebook a few years ago? Well, for some reason I've been thinking about that recently. Things have changed in the last few years though, so here is an updated 7 facts about me...or brief snippets of things I've been thinking lately.

1. Coffee now runs through my veins as much as pepsi. (Starbucks Tuesday's will do that to you.) I am halfway to having a Gold Card.

2. The older I get, the more I realize I might not want to have kids. Like, birthing them. I will always have teenage kids. But we will see?

3.. I find myself having to work harder at not getting a complex about relationships that have gone awry in my life. I find it to be scary that people can grow apart so quickly, either from things like spiritual breakdowns to simply just learning different things and growing different ways. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it's just natural. Nevertheless, it makes something like marriage more nerve-wracking to me. But I'm trying to work through this.

4. Thanks to Sarah, I now enjoy eating celery. I'm still not sold on the veggie chips though my friend. And I still can't believe I even ate a dried mushroom.

5. I 'm ready to move out of this state. I actually have been going through all my stuff, preparing to downsize and peace out. The thought of living in basically the same place forever (as in, living where I grew up) really freaks me out. A LOT.

6. I have some friends that dream really big. And the thought of journeying with them, or brainstorming what it would be like to start a church someday (with one of them in particular), is actually really exciting to me.

7. I think I just decided this morning to move to Dallas in July/August. 

(Unless I feel called elsewhere between now and then.)

...I'm just going to chew on that for now.

So did you learn anything new about me? ha.

God bless.

Oh yeah, and this used to be my hair. Have a great day. :)

America

I've had so much on my mind recently. I told my friend Werm the other day that I feel like I need to blog every day for a week, just so I can put it all into words. I'm not sure I'm quite disciplined enough to make that happen...but it would be nice to get it out of my head.

Today, I'm going to touch on the fact that I feel like my calling has been even more reaffirmed recently. Yes, I have felt for a while that the Lord has gifted me with teenagers...and in that, a couple of months ago I got redirected from wanting to teach, to knowing I need to be in full time ministry.

However, there are teenagers in every country. And with so many Christ-followers doing missions all over the world, sometimes I wonder if I'm taking the "easy" route and just wanting to stay in America to be comfortable or something. (Even though I've felt called to be here.)

But it has been clear to me before, and has become clear to me again....just because we are Americans, doesn't mean people aren't completely broken here. Just because we do have access to the Word of God, doesn't mean that people even know anything about it. Just because we have money and "stuff," doesn't mean that people don't betray us and hurt us to the point that we don't know if we can believe in a good God.

Just because these teenagers have cars and cell phones and nice clothes, doesn't mean they don't need love and Truth just as much as a teenager in Africa who has never heard of Christ.

I truly believe that. Not to say that teenager in Africa doesn't deserve love and the chance to know Christ - they totally do. But take, for example, a former student of mine. Before walking into YoungLife, she did not know the Lord. She needed love and Truth spoken into her life. And now, because of that and the ways it changed her, she is spending all summer spreading the Word of God to the people of India.

Build them up, and teach them to walk it out. Whether that means in America, Africa, India, China, Chile...anywhere! As for me, I'll be here for now. Maybe going on the occasional mission elsewhere. But chances are you'll typically find me loving on some great students at the nearest high school. And I'll be loving every second of it.

God bless.

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Edit: Kasey's comment made me realize I would like to say that I am by no means saying that wanting to do world missions is by any way bad or wrong. I think it is wonderful! This post was only to sort out my thoughts on what I know I personally am called to right now. And about feeling secure in it because of what I have been recently reminded of about our own country. We are all different parts of One Body - and I'm thankful we're at work all over this world.

The Mix of Positivity & Mourning

Right now I am supposed to be doing something productive, but of course I am without the proper instruments to do so. (This will be fixed soon!)

In the meantime.....

As many of you reading this know, the two main mentors in my life, Andrew & Sarah Beard are moving next week. And I've really been trying to concentrate on all the positives of the situation rather than be sad. For example:

• The day they announced their move was like a HUGE wake up call to what it means to be obedient to the Lord and all of the awesome things that come from it.
• Just days later, conversations I had with Sarah and another mentor led me to rediscover my true calling of full time youth ministry.
• I get to experience a glimpse of that and for the first time ever, get paid to work with the youth as part of a tripod (as I like to call it!) of interim youth directors - along with Allyson Lean and Andrew Michael Wermelskirchen until their full time replacements start.
• I've gotten some leads on other future possibilities.
• I've just really been challenged to be radical and bold...in speaking Truth to my students, in how I take care of my money, in how I go about looking for jobs, etc. And God has been working in ALL of it.
• Basically, thanks to Andrew & Sarah and all they have taught me by the way they live, my life is forever changed...in a way that lovingly and boldly pursues the Lord.

But I just read Sarah's blog post that she wrote while we were in the office today.....and it did indeed make me sad. Really sad. I truly feel that there is a good chance I am headed somewhere in Texas in the next few months of my life, but until (IF) that happens.....I will miss them dearly. I don't think that there are good enough words in this world to explain the ways they have impacted people's hearts and lives. A few years ago I never thought I'd work for a church....now I feel like the best decision I ever made was to apply to intern for them in 2009. 

Sarah, I feel like I will rewrite this in a note to you sometime...but I want you to know that you have not only taught me so much, both as a youth minister and as a woman of the Lord, but you have truly become one of my closest friends. And as much as I will miss your physical presence in my life, I can't wait to continue on our journey. And also continue hoping that we end up in the same city again soon. :)

But for now, I will wipe these tears from my eyes, remember God's faithfulness, and get excited about the opportunities ahead.

And oh yeah, try to find that cord........

God bless. :)

PS - If you'd like to find out more about what Sarah will be doing in Dallas - for this AWESOME organization called His Voice Global, please click here!!!

Sarah & I

Andrew & Sarah

Beard's house

Words

This weekend I had the incredible opportunity to attend the Passion 2011 Conference in Ft Worth, Texas. Yes, I have been to Texas twice in a month...and it could be 3 times in one month soon! (Huskers, I still love you, I promise.)

Anyway, the weekend was amazing. While I wouldn't say that it necessarily changed my life (my life has been changing since the moment Andrew and Sarah announced their move), it was more of an affirmation that the direction I have chosen to start walking towards the last couple months is very much so the Lord's direction.

And one of the things with that is that finally, my words, or I should say, God's words - are returning in me. And it feels so good, because it is something I've been worried about...because I feel like I'm going to be in more of a teaching position soon. Many times when I'm talking, I feel like I don't make sense and I stumble over my thoughts a lot. But even so, I've been taking risks in speaking more boldly into some of my students' lives, and have also been praying this verse:

"Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, AS I SHOULD." Ephesians 6:19-20

And He has been moving! Even times when I've thought I made no sense, girls have responded. He has been so faithful in showering them with love and causing movement. And my heart has been greatly encouraged. Take risks...see His promises fulfilled!

I love my youth. And that will forever be at the heart of my ministry. Because without love, everything we do means nothing. But sometimes, we just have to buck up and cross that bridge.

Be bold in your love. Speak Truth fearlessly. Trust that He will move...whether you get to see it in this lifetime or not.

God bless.

Rejoicing in Worry

So the last couple of days have not been my best. A few different things are going on, weighing heavy on my heart. When that happens, I can't hardly escape my thoughts. I feel like I just start to drown in the rollar coaster of my own emotions...because one second I want to cry and the next I want to bite someone's head off.

On Wednesday as this was happening, I just wanted to do anything I could to give it to the Lord. I hated carrying it around and I was looking for a way to be able to stop worrying.

So I went to Starbucks. And had a little coffee with God time.

I started off by opening up Crazy Love, because I remembered Fran Chan talking about worry and stress in an earlier chapter. So I was reading along just being reminded of the fact that worry is sinful because we doubt that God has the control and the ability to intervene. That even when our worries feel important for whatever reason, it still doesn't make it right that we engage them...and that is mostly because of this verse:

"Rejoice in the LORD always. I will say it again; REJOICE! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The LORD is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, WITH THANKSGIVING, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends ALL understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:4-7

I've heard this verse like a million times. But it just kind of rocked my world the other day. I mean it literally says don't be anxious about ANYTHING. In EVERYTHING, present your prayers to God. AND DO IT WITH THANKSGIVING.

How often do we come to God complaining about our worries and stresses? We don't come to him THANKING Him very often in the midst of that. Or at least I doubt you do. I certainly don't. We're too focused on our own issues, and sometimes we probably don't feel very thankful. But the Word tells us to do this.

And if we do....then what is promised us??? "The peace of God, which transcends ALL understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Dang. That is AWESOME.

How often do we go to God seeking His peace? I think most of the time, we just do it because it makes us feel better to be able to say we prayed about it, or we hope that in some way it will change our circumstances. But I don't think we often go to Him seeking His peace to transform our hearts and trust Him enough so that we don't even have to worry in the first place. 

But we should. And in that, because of His great promises, because of the fact that these worries are nothing compared to the eternity awaiting us.......we should REJOICE. PRAISE GOD!

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, becuase he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock Eternal." Isaiah 26:3-4

God Bless.